For the people who read Charming and Daring (or didn’t) and wish to read the third Pax Arcana book (Fearliess) coming out in August, here is Ye olde Review Quiz on the books of the Pax Arcana. Remember, choose the answer that best addresses the question.
1. ACCORDING TO THE BOOKS CHARMING AND DARING, FAIRY TALES ARE ACTUALLY…
(A). Accounts of true events distorted and exaggerated over time.
(B). Responsible for a lot of young impressionable females making remarkably poor mating decisions later in life.
(C). Metaphors for medieval drug use. Ginger bread houses? Porridge that makes you see talking bears? Young girls taking “feel good” baskets to a strung out Grandma who starts acting like a crazed animal?
(D). All of the above.
2. I AM THE NARRATOR OF THESE BOOKS, AND I AM:
(A) Deeply, deeply ashamed of myself.
(B) John Charming, the modern day descendant of all those Prince Charming guys in the old stories.
(C) Morgan Freeman
(D) You. Stop trying to avoid it. No one said these words out loud, y’know. You’re giving these words life and investing them with meaning through the simple act of reading them. These words aren’t inherently presumptuous or snarky or sad or annoying or amusing or didactic…these are qualities you are projecting onto them based on where you’re coming from. Embrace it. Embrace us.
3. THE KNIGHTS WHO TRAINED ME TO HUNT THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT ARE:
(A) The Knights Templar.
(B) An Elk Lodge with delusions of grandeur.
(C). I read somewhere that B and C are the most common answers on these things.
(D) Only visible when I’m off my medication.
4. THE KNIGHTS KICKED ME OUT AND SPENT THE BETTER PART OF A HALF CENTURY HUNTING ME BECAUSE…
(A) Let’s just say that it involves grain alcohol and compromising photos and leave it at that…
(B)I didn’t even know the Grandmaster of my order had a daughter…
(C)They don’t like puns or irreverent chapter titles.
(D) I fell under a werewolf curse.
5. “THE PAX ARCANA” IS …
(A) A mysterious and troubling rash
(B) An anagram of “A cheap ax rant.”
(C) The mass enchantment that ended the war between mankind and magickind that history books still call the Dark Ages.
(D) B and C.
6. HOW DOES THE PAX ARCANA KEEP THE EXISTENCE OF THE SUPERNATURAL A SECRET?
(A) The spell causes humans to shunt aside evidence of the supernatural into the part of the brain that dumps 99 percent of the sensory data we absorb every single moment anyhow.
(B) Let’s just say that it involves grain alcohol and compromising photos and leave it at that…
(C). See, when supernatural beings aren’t acting magical, they put on a pair of glasses…
(D). Don’t say it! I’ll have to kill you.
7. KNIGHTS ARE COMPELLED TO PRESERVE THE PAX ARCANA BECAUASE OF A GEAS. A GEAS is…
(A) God bless you.
(B). Pronounced nothing like it’s spelled.
(C). A magical compulsion that both binds and protects its bearers. Knights cannot be charmed, beguiled, or enthralled because they are already charmed, beguiled, and enthralled.
(D). Both B and C.
8. WHAT KIND OF MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE IS MY LADY LOVE, SIG NORRESDOTTER?
(A). A valkyrie.
(B). A professional athlete who doesn’t do steroids.
(C). A politician who doesn’t accepts gifts or money from lobbyists.
(D). A classy reality star whose show is completely unscripted.
9. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE MY AND SIG’S RELATIONSHIP?
(A). I hate you! Meet me in back of the van!
(B). I love you. Get away from me!
(C). Possibly half brother and sister. Oh wait…that wasn’t supposed to come out until book four…
(D.) Romantic but taking it slow.
10. HOW DID I FINALLY GET THE KNIGHTS TEMP:AR OFF MY CASE?
(A) It was Christmas. A campfire. A bottle of scotch. Someone started singing “Kumbayah”…
(B). We hugged it out bitches.
(C). I helped broker a peace between the knights and a large North American clan of werewolves.
(D). I made a really impassioned speech on an airport intercom right before the Grandmaster of my order was about to leave, and then somebody in the terminal started clapping….
11. MULTIPLE CHOICE TESTS ARE :
(C). Ruining our educational system.
(D). Who cares? I realized there was no grade and stopped picking answers back at question 2.
The correct answers are: (11) D